Self Empowered Woman

I am shocked beyond words. I guess we are all shocked to our core. If the animals can understand it, they too will be shocked.

In a recent local news, we read about a man,no a beast, who has 10 wives and 64 children, who raped 5 of his daughters, with the help of their mothers. And this went on for about a year. It was discovered only after one of the girls told a teacher about it.

If you are reading this, I suggest you pause and send prayers to those children for the depth they are in. Who can they run and cry to , who can they trust after this? As a parent and a mother, I always tell my child that God has entrusted mothers to be guardian angels to their children. So much so that even animals , through natural instincts, love and protect their young. Just what do you call this? Two of the girls got pregnant and suffered abortion…

I am outraged…..

How could those women have allowed it? It is unnatural and totally dysfunctional. They are worst than animals for even a lioness will never sacrifice her cubs. It is beyond my comprehension and I thought I understood many things.

It does not seem enough that the father was sent to jail for 32 years and maximum caning of 24 times. It is not enough!

It is already incomprehensible to me those women agreed to live in a polygamy that is even beyond the rules of the Islamic religion. This is an extreme case of women losing their power over their own lives and giving up, what is God given, the natural protective instinct for their wards. Does it take a court to tell them what they did was wrong? Well in their defense they said they had to follow their husband’s instruction otherwise they would never see heaven.

I wish I could help these women who have lost their souls, in as far as I am concerned, thats what happened. It is them who need the most help. I know that most people, and women especially who would die for their children, me included. How could a group of women, coming from 10 different families, have been so misled. It could not be possible that they accepted it as normal unless they too suffered it. Which I doubt.

Let us pray for the family and the other children who stand witness to what their father has done. We pray they turn out to be socially healthy people and responsible for themselves. I would urge the authorities to remove the mothers as they are unfit to raise children.

Imagine the karma.

As I was doing my research as a online marketer, I am troubled to discover that there are people who use the internet to find out ways to kill themselves. I can only estimate from the keyword search, more than 16,000 people in an average month try to find information on committing suicide.

They also try to find ways how to die using sleeping pills, valium, carbon monoxide, plastic bag, or how to die painlessly. According to a report, women are 3 times more likely to have attempted suicide in their lifetime than men. However men are four times more likely to die from suicide than women. Suicide is the third leading cause of death amongst youth aged 15 to 24 years old. Suicide rates increase with age especially those above 65 years old.

Is that not just sad? I am always interested to know what people feel to reach that stage in their life? How can we help them?

I hope to give words of encouragement to people who are at the deep end of their emotions :

It is not your time. It is against the law of universe or natural laws, to take your own life. Your life is given to you on the premise that you honour it because you are not the body, you are not the mind. You are the soul. And your soul is sacred.

There cannot be a problem so big that you cannot solve it. Recognise the inner demon and empower yourself to combat your disillusionment with life itself. Give permission to yourself to see how great your life can be once you remove that negative self-talk.

I once received a strange hurried email from a girlfriend who said she was going away for a long long time, wanting to leave her doting husband and 2 beautiful girls. This was a person who suffered manic depression despite her blessings in life, despite her high degree of intelligence, beauty and spirituality. It sounded like a suicide note to me. But thanks to collective help and healing from friends, she was persuaded to s-t-a-y.

The point to that is, what could she have missed in her life? Perhaps she doesn’t love herself enough. Or she doesn’t know how to love herself first. Understand this, one of the most powerful lessons in life is to LOVE THYSELF. Once you are aware of this, you begin to do wonderful things for yourself, for your own happiness. Happiness and love begets more happiness and love. Positive energies progragate more positive energies.

Life’s circumstances will change once you decide you love yourself enough to want to make positive changes to your life. Don’t suffer other people’s problems and attach them to your life. It is not supposed to work that way. Love yourself first.

Have I walked the talk? Indeed I have.

Taking responsibility to settle your debt must be a priority because for as long as you don’t , you wil carry the burden in your heart and in your mind.  When you owe someone money, you must make the effort to return it and do not underestimate the karma that comes with it.  By default, you owe that person a piece of yourself for as long as you are in debt and your sense of honour will never be fully gratified until you do.

I find it particularly disturbing with people who borrow money for years and yet continue to live their high lifestyle.  Once someone remarked to me hotly when I asked for my money back that I would get it back some day, have no fear.  He defended his integrity by also saying there was nobody in this world who is never in debt and that pretty much concluded the episode.  And then there are those who would cite all sorts of problems, cost of house repair, car repair, high cost of living etc.   I refrain from judging here.

I have thought deeply about this issue and I try to understand it.   There is a greater problem beneath the psyche why this attitude to debt exists. Somewhere in there you believe you have no power over yourself and your circumstances.  You lack the motivation to honour your soul.  When you borrow with such ease and disregard the repayment issue, something happens to your sense of value.  You have just eroded your integrity as a person with self-worth and self-respect.  I am not talking about people in destitute situation.  I am referring to people with substantial asset who care for their exterior appearances and yet have little regard for how they feel inside.   It is interesting if I can even scratch the surface and understand the psyche beneath.

Some people claim it is hard to save, but you know what that is crap.  A long long time ago I used to earn SGD 350 a month, and I always put aside $50 before I consumed the rest.  What I saved stayed in the bank and this habit has taught me an important lesson that to never have to borrow is to safeguard my self-respect and live a life of freedom from shame. 

It is important to me that people do not judge me as a debtor.

It is important to me that I do not give away my power by borrowing.

It is important to my sense of self-worth that I honour any debts.

It is more important to me that people know me for the poor humble woman that I am rather than high society borrower.

I hesitated to write about this but I figured it is all part of my healing and hopefully yours too.  It is the reason why I started this site.  In sharing our pains, we become and feel just slightly better.

This time last year I was at a major crossroad of my life.  My marriage stood on a flimsy line and I was “few inches away from asking a divorce”  as I put it to my spouse.  It was a long long drawn war on ego and eventual breakdown of communication.   Nothing spectacular, these things happen everyday to millions of couple, all over the globe. 

Valentine’ Day is typically a Western culture and because of that it is something that my society does not promote or celebrate.   When we were still dating, Valentine’s Day was special to us, he would bring me flowers.  He would bring me flowers on any occassion.   Like most marriages, these things stop happening.  After 12 years of marriage, communication was the hardest thing between us.   

Last Valentine changed it for us.   It came without any fanfare or expectations.  We were on the brink of break-up. I was past being sad about the upcoming Valentine’s Day.  I accepted and knew whatever happened in the future, it could only be better for me and my child.  I accepted it and let go.  My husband’s ego was immeasurably huge.  If he did something that seemed to weaken his manliness, it would be a phenomenal act for him.    I accepted it.

That night when I reached home late, the house was dark.  My kid was not yet home from the babysitter’s.  Then I saw a stalk of rose on the bed.  Lying quietly as though pleading to be forgiven and loved.  Quiet and dignified.  I knew my child would not suffer a broken home after all.  That small act of unspoken love moved mountains. I decided to look at this positively.

So celebrate your Valentine’s Day with greater meaning and purpose.   Make an effort to ask for forgiveness and to forgive yourself. 

It is not a day to glorify the Christian martyrs named Valentine. 

It is to glorify our spirit and soul, from where love is seated and originated.

Here’s food for thought:

“Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,
but because it sees more it is willing to see less.”

- Will Moss -  

Happy Valentine’s Day!