Self Empowered Woman

 

June 27, 2007

Why We Get Angry and How To Control Anger

Filed under: Anger Management — Kakak Neng @ 10:33 am
Anger is an emotional distress which must be checked and not allowed to grow into a mighty rage. People have died from the anger of country or group leaders through creation of wars or through acts of terrorism. Marital abuse, child abuse and street fights are some of the effects of anger that have gone out of control.Usually a person gets angry not out of choice but out of provocation. The challenge here is to disallow provocation to influence our emotion and make us do things that we regret later. If we have a problem in managing our anger, we must learn to control it before it controls us.

What causes anger? Let us identify the triggers before we get to how to control it. When we understand where it is coming from, we will recognize and curb the symptoms.

* Frustration due to obstacles to what we desire or need.

* Pain and discomfort

* Our angry childhood environment

* Personal insult

* Huge ego

How do we control our anger? We cannot control how and when we get angry but we can control and choose what we want to do with our anger. If we know that we fly off the handle easily, there are ways that we can do to manage it.

Expressing anger is not necessarily unhealthy, as long as it is constructive and serves as a warning. When an anger is suppressed over a long period of time, there is a possibility of greater damage when that anger is released eventually. In the society that we live in it is expected of us to suppress or repress our anger so be mindful when you choose to keep something within, you either overcome by forgiving or you let your feelings known calmly.

We can choose to walk away from a volatile situation to give ourselves time to recover and reflect. You will begin to see things in different perspective when you have time to cool off. Why sweat it and use up a lot of energy in this already stressful world?

Go drink a glass of water, as water has healing properties. Go lie down somewhere else and stop focusing on the negative scenario. Stop giving energy to the anger. In some religious belief, anger is the devil itself. It sits right on top of your head and spur you on. Do not give permission for your anger to breed.

To forgive is to forget and it still holds true. It’s a simple yet powerful way to release the toxic from your system. Say out loud that no one has the right to offend you without your permission. When you forgive someone, you forgive yourself too.

Try to look at it with a sense of humour. Laughter is indeed the best medicine. Another way is through meditation where you seek peace, clarity and selfempowerment. Or you can release anger by exercising or brisk walking.

Do a self-evaluation and establish what situation makes you angry? If ego is always the cause of you anger, then deal with your ego. Wanting to be right always does not give you the right to be angry. However if you feel it is beyond you to overcome your anger by yourself, get professional help.

There is no issue of shame if what you are doing will help yourself and the people around you.

Anger control is possible once you decide you want to control it and not let it control you. Walk away, reflect, laugh and forgive. If it gets too hard, seek help through medication or alternative healing.

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June 10, 2007

How A Marriage Counseling Secret Can Save Your Marriage

Filed under: Relationship, Save Marriage — Kakak Neng @ 9:43 pm

How do you react if your spouse announces “I want a divorce” or something similar? With shock? Surprise? Outrage?

If these are your reactions, you’ve got plenty of company. Thousands of spouses each year have this same experience. Many surprised partners in this situation begin to grill their unhappy mate with questions like “What in the #%& do you mean you want a divorce? After all I’ve done for you!”

Unfortunately, this approach doesn’t make the dissatisfied spouse change her (or his) mind. If anything, it makes them dig in their heels.

The key to keeping your marriage begins with a simple but misunderstood word: Acceptance.

What is acceptance? It means respecting and accepting your spouse’s point of view, even when you don’t fully understand it.

To help you understand how acceptance is important in stopping your divorce, let me share a story with you.

There was a tennis player on a college team whose coach had told her that her serve needed practice. But she refused to accept and act on the coach’s feedback. Again, her coach implored her to work on her technique after she spiraled into a losing streak.

Clearly, her career on the court would be short-lived unless she took her coach’s advice to heart. Finally after losing another match to an archrival in a tournament, the coach issued an ultimatum. The player would either have to do what it took to improve or leave the team.

This athlete finally came to accept what her problem was – poor technique on her serves. Before that, she’d been unwilling to do the necessary work to enhance her performance. But once she had accepted the situation as it was, she was able to move forward and improve her game.

A marriage is much the same way. Sometimes one partner may ignore or minimize the feedback from the other for a time. This time may often stretch into years. And the frustration builds like pressure in a pressure cooker. Until finally a limit is passed and an ultimatum is issued. The offending spouse must change behavior or else the frustrated partner will leave the marriage.

At this point, a history of dissatisfaction has built up on the side of the spouse threatening to leave. Whether the surprised partner considers the reasons given to be valid or not doesn’t alter the fact that the unhappiness exists.

The first thing you must do is accept the situation as a given. Acknowledge your spouse’s unhappiness. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with your mate’s reasons. Nor does it necessarily mean accepting your partner at her word if she says that she’s leaving.

It does mean that you need to accept the fact that your spouse is unhappy and has been unhappy for some time. If you can buy this description as fitting your situation, you’ve just made a positive step forward. Because you have to understand the dynamics of your present relationship before you can improve it.

It means that emotional communication between you and your spouse has been faulty and she (or he) believes that you haven’t been meeting some of her basic needs. It means you need to accept your spouse’s discontent if you want to positively influence the disastrous turn your marriage is taking.

Don’t worry if you disagree with the reasons she gives you for being unhappy.

Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of arguing or telling her she’s wrong. Why? Because her perception is her reality and is the basis for her feelings and the decisions she makes.

So your first job is to understand and accept your spouse’s perception of your relationship. Only then can you do something constructive to save your marriage.

Lee Hefner is the co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” This e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com. You can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get weekly ideas and support to help you save your marriage.

Discover Proven Methods to Getting Your Marriage Back On Track - EVEN if You are the Only One Who Wants to Work on It!!
 

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June 8, 2007

Depression in Women Imbalance In Hormones

Filed under: Depression — Kakak Neng @ 10:08 am

Depression is not specific when it comes to the type of people that it affects. It has no rules for those of a certain age, race, sex, or social class. However, when it comes to sex, women are two times more likely to become affected then men. Men are affected by depression, but most stats say that women experience depression and the worst parts of depression.

One of four women will be declared as depressed. That is a lot of women when you think about it. Most of the time, women will feel depression around that time of the month. This is because of an imbalance in hormones. Most of the time a woman will not even notice a change in themselves until someone points it out.

Many women suffer from depression because of a certain trigger. Again, it could be hormonal, but most of the time there are other triggers present to set off the depression. Some of these triggers would be things like miscarriages and being pregnant. You will end up having depression over these things because your body is going through a major change. You may also find that losing someone who you love dearly will trigger your depression.

You can get depression from having anything traumatic happen in your life. In this case, you’ll find that your friend or loved one will begin to pull away from life and their friends and family. They will begin to isolate themselves. If you happen to notice anyone who is going into a depression, you may want to reach out to him or her and try to help them find comfort in the friendship.

You should also know that the way women handle their depression is different. Not every woman will handle her troubles the same way. You may be able to recover from your depression by seeking comfort in a friendship. You may also find your solution to your depression by going to therapy and talking out your issues. You may find that none of these things help you and that you have to seek out professional medial help. Medication with a combination of therapy has been able to cause many people to get over their depression.

Jenny Glover is a doctor to treatment depression If you want to learn more about depression treatment visit the site
http://www.depressionselfhelp.com.cn

Discover How To Get Natural Anxiety, Depression And Stress Relief With A Revolutionary Easy-To-Follow Program That Will Kick Stress, Depression and Anxiety Out Of Your Life FOREVER 

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Causes Of Depression

Filed under: Depression — Kakak Neng @ 9:54 am

Research indicates most adult depression has its cause in childhood abuse. It we were abused as children there is a direct link to adult depression. Abuse can take many forms including emotional; physical; intellectual and sexual. Often these forms do not occur in isolation. That is, if we are physically abused as children we can also be emotionally and intellectually abused.

It is important here not to rate abuse styles. Physical abuse is not necessarily worse than emotional abuse. The major factor to take into account is the consequent effect on the victim. On the surface we can think that physical abuse can be worse than, say, emotional abuse, because we can often see the effects of the physical abuse. In it’s most extreme form there can be broken bones, bruising and other horrible pieces of evidence. Not to minimize physical abuse here, it is also important to see the other forms of abuse as potentially just as destructive.

Years of intellectual abuse can leave the victim devoid (absent) of decision making abilities; unable to take on responsibilities in the work place; not able to secure long term relationships and unable to make every day decisions that keep us healthy and alive. In a nutshell all forms of abuse should be treated equally with the premise that it is wrong and ultimately destructive.

In one of my previous articles I spoke of how if we are used to being treated in a certain way it can become quite normal for us and ‘comfortable’. For the abused child who has never known any other form of treatment, thinking of other ways to be treated can be quite foreign. The child may present as unhappy; withdrawn or even violent in their own dealings with others, particularly peers. Their behavior will ultimately be familiar and comfortable for them. If left unchecked this behavior firms and becomes their way of being – normal and again ‘comfortable’, well into adulthood.

Despite the dysfunctional behavior of abuse being familiar and comfortable in adulthood, it is not uncommon for such a person to be depressed. The victim as a child has grown to be the perpetrator as the adult. Again the perpetrator may exhibit this abuse in many ways – overtly or outwardly, (such as the perpetrator of domestic violence or perpetrator of emotional abuse etc), or they may exhibit covert (inward) exhibitions of abuse (such as marrying an abuser and perpetuating or maintaining the abuse they experienced in childhood). We can operate as an adult as a victim of abuse or oscillating (swinging) between victim and perpetrator. Despite all the outward appearances of coping adequately as an adult (holding down a job, having a long term relationship etc), the person may well be depressed.

By understanding patterns in our behaviors and how they re-occur in a cyclical nature, we can take hold of them and start to change them. This is how we can take control of our lives and in this case turn abuse and consequent depression into a thing of the past. It is possible and can free us to enjoy a quality of life we may have thought once not possible. Knowledge is power and by understanding how we operate as individuals, can help us break free of binding ways that we may have once seen as normal or just our lot in life with no other option.

Mark Lockyer is a qualified Social Worker and Teacher with extensive experience in the mental health field. He is also the creator of the web site http://www.about–depression.info/

 

Discover How To Get Natural Anxiety, Depression And Stress Relief With A Revolutionary Easy-To-Follow Program That Will Kick Stress, Depression and Anxiety Out Of Your Life FOREVER 

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