Self Empowered Woman

Taking responsibility to settle your debt must be a priority because for as long as you don’t , you wil carry the burden in your heart and in your mind.  When you owe someone money, you must make the effort to return it and do not underestimate the karma that comes with it.  By default, you owe that person a piece of yourself for as long as you are in debt and your sense of honour will never be fully gratified until you do.

I find it particularly disturbing with people who borrow money for years and yet continue to live their high lifestyle.  Once someone remarked to me hotly when I asked for my money back that I would get it back some day, have no fear.  He defended his integrity by also saying there was nobody in this world who is never in debt and that pretty much concluded the episode.  And then there are those who would cite all sorts of problems, cost of house repair, car repair, high cost of living etc.   I refrain from judging here.

I have thought deeply about this issue and I try to understand it.   There is a greater problem beneath the psyche why this attitude to debt exists. Somewhere in there you believe you have no power over yourself and your circumstances.  You lack the motivation to honour your soul.  When you borrow with such ease and disregard the repayment issue, something happens to your sense of value.  You have just eroded your integrity as a person with self-worth and self-respect.  I am not talking about people in destitute situation.  I am referring to people with substantial asset who care for their exterior appearances and yet have little regard for how they feel inside.   It is interesting if I can even scratch the surface and understand the psyche beneath.

Some people claim it is hard to save, but you know what that is crap.  A long long time ago I used to earn SGD 350 a month, and I always put aside $50 before I consumed the rest.  What I saved stayed in the bank and this habit has taught me an important lesson that to never have to borrow is to safeguard my self-respect and live a life of freedom from shame. 

It is important to me that people do not judge me as a debtor.

It is important to me that I do not give away my power by borrowing.

It is important to my sense of self-worth that I honour any debts.

It is more important to me that people know me for the poor humble woman that I am rather than high society borrower.

I hesitated to write about this but I figured it is all part of my healing and hopefully yours too.  It is the reason why I started this site.  In sharing our pains, we become and feel just slightly better.

This time last year I was at a major crossroad of my life.  My marriage stood on a flimsy line and I was “few inches away from asking a divorce”  as I put it to my spouse.  It was a long long drawn war on ego and eventual breakdown of communication.   Nothing spectacular, these things happen everyday to millions of couple, all over the globe. 

Valentine’ Day is typically a Western culture and because of that it is something that my society does not promote or celebrate.   When we were still dating, Valentine’s Day was special to us, he would bring me flowers.  He would bring me flowers on any occassion.   Like most marriages, these things stop happening.  After 12 years of marriage, communication was the hardest thing between us.   

Last Valentine changed it for us.   It came without any fanfare or expectations.  We were on the brink of break-up. I was past being sad about the upcoming Valentine’s Day.  I accepted and knew whatever happened in the future, it could only be better for me and my child.  I accepted it and let go.  My husband’s ego was immeasurably huge.  If he did something that seemed to weaken his manliness, it would be a phenomenal act for him.    I accepted it.

That night when I reached home late, the house was dark.  My kid was not yet home from the babysitter’s.  Then I saw a stalk of rose on the bed.  Lying quietly as though pleading to be forgiven and loved.  Quiet and dignified.  I knew my child would not suffer a broken home after all.  That small act of unspoken love moved mountains. I decided to look at this positively.

So celebrate your Valentine’s Day with greater meaning and purpose.   Make an effort to ask for forgiveness and to forgive yourself. 

It is not a day to glorify the Christian martyrs named Valentine. 

It is to glorify our spirit and soul, from where love is seated and originated.

Here’s food for thought:

“Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,
but because it sees more it is willing to see less.”

- Will Moss -  

Happy Valentine’s Day!