Self Empowered Woman

By Diane DiResta 

Glass ceiling or partners in sabotage? While the glass ceiling exists, very often women undermine their success by how they communicate in the workplace. We’ve learned to dress for success but have we learned the language of success? When Catalyst, a non-profit organization dealing with women’s issues asked

 “What holds women back from top management?”
Fifty-two per cent said  “Male stereotyping and preconceptions of women.”

When they asked “How can women succeed?”
Sixty-one per cent said “Developing a style with which male managers are comfortable.” It seems communication style is vitally important.
 
 Here are ten ways women weaken their image and what they can be do about it.

1.Too much head nodding-When women nod, they mean “I hear you,”
“I understand.” Men interpret head nodding as agreement with their ideas.
Too much head nodding will be perceived as weakness and may result in miscommunication. Continual head bobbing creates a subliminal message of submissiveness.

2.Uptalk-A rising inflection at the end of a sentence sounds tentative, as if posing a question. This is a real credibility killer. Women will not be taken seriously with this vocal pattern. To speak with authority practice bringing the voice down at the end of a sentence. American intonation patterns use a downward inflection to declare or demand and a rising inflection to question or indicate uncertainty.

This is not true for all cultures. In Canada, India, Pakistan, France and China it is more commonplace to hear the voice rise at the end of a sentence. This pattern is sometimes used by American men in the South or by Generation X. It is not effective for either sex.

3. Weak Language
Tag lines-Some communicators make a statement and then ask for validation. “This is a good idea, don’t you think?   “We have the best team, right?”  Tag lines weaken conviction and authority. Eliminate them.

Modifiers-Words such as some, just, only, hopefully, and guess, minimize the message and the messenger. “This is just a thought.” “I’m only a beginner,” “Hopefully, I’ve done a good job,” “I guess I have a question,” are weak statements. They signal a lack of confidence and tell the listener that it’s not very important. Constant apologizing is not appropriate and will have the same effect. Weed out wimpy words and replace them with powerful language. This is most commonly a female pattern.
time to sound confident and full of conviction.

4.Allowing interruptions-Men jump in and say what they think. They tend to interrupt more than women. Women are more likely to allow themselves to be cut off and lose credit for their ideas. Instead, they can say, “I’m not finished,” “ Please hold your questions,” “These interruptions break everyone’s train of thought” or continue talking and finish your point.

5.Not speaking up (Waiting to be called on)-Still waters may run deep but in our business culture, people who don’t speak up are perceived as not knowing anything. Commit to making one contribution at every meeting. It may be as simple as underscoring a point or adding to what ‘s been said. Some women wait to be called on or have difficulty taking the floor. It may be necessary to interrupt to have your say. Do it. You must be heard to be a counted.

6.Dressing too sexy-A visual impression takes seven seconds or less. Clothing and appearance are a visual shorthand. Women who wear spiked heels, low cut blouses, heavy make-up, and micro-mini skirts are communicating sexual availability rather than career mobility. To succeed in the workplace, women must dress the part. You don’t have to sacrifice femininity, but don’t appear too flashy. The goal is to look professionally attractive. To achieve advancement, dress one level above your present position. If you are a supervisor, dress, like a manager. On the opposite end of the continuum, executive women may dress too frumpy. At senior levels it’s no longer what you know but who you are as a leader. If a woman executive doesn’t look the part, she’ll lose respect and credibility.

7.Too soft spoken-A soft or breathy voice may sound sexy but it indicates insecurity or lack of confidence.
Breathe from the diaphragm and project the voice so that every person at the meeting can hear. If they have to strain to listen, they will tune you out. A speaker loses conviction when ideas are presented in a soft voice. Confident women project their voices.

8.Allowing others to take credit for ideas-A common complaint of women is that men take credit for their ideas. When this happens women must learn to speak up and claim their contributions. “Excuse me, I just said that a minute ago.” “How is that different from what I just proposed?” Do not sit quietly while someone intercepts your idea.
9.Weak Body posture-Cute gestures such as shrugging shoulders, not making direct eye contact, standing with one leg crossed at the ankle and a weak handshake will weaken one’s visual impact. Men naturally take up more space. Hold your ground. Stand tall and sit up straight, make direct eye contact and ground your energy. Channel nervousness by using hand gestures about the waist.  Act like you belong. You have a right to be there.

10.Avoiding public speaking. This is one of the biggest mistakes women can make in their careers. Men don’t have a glass ceiling. Public speaking is an opportunity for visibility and equal exposure. Confront your fear, get some coaching, and get out there and shine.

Diane DiResta, President of New York based DiResta Communications, Inc. helps executives to speak with authority and connect with passion to achieve business results and with women who want to make it in a man’s world. She is the  author of Knockout Presentations: How to Deliver Your Message with Power, Punch, and Pizzazz (Chandler House Press). and Conversations on Success (Insight Publishing) To subscribe to a free online newsletter visit www.diresta.com.. 
 

By Soni Pitts 

I don’t know why I let it go on as long as I did. I guess I just loved him/her.”

How many times have we heard this coming from the cracked and bleeding lips (and soul) of a victim of abuse? How many times have we tried to find the words to help them through their grief and anger as they realize that their love was not enough to keep the whole house of cards from coming apart at the seams? One question always comes up, the hardest to answer: “How can I walk away when I love them so much? How can I just abandon them - go back on my vows and my promises?” We talk about loving yourself first and how love isn’t supposed to punch and frighten and chill with steely glares and withering silence, but it rarely helps to heal the bitter and self-inflicted wound of perceived betrayal.

However, one aspect of love and spiritual teachings of love often goes unspoken and unheard, the aspect that teaches and compels us to love unconditionally the true divine nature of the other, perhaps more than we love the present incarnation and weakness of that other, and that instructs us to seek to protect them from harm, loss and diminishment in any way possible. Yet this is an important facet to consider, a part of love and our understanding of love that can help us deal with both our love and our pain and that can enable us both to love our attacker, yet move away from their sphere of influence - without guilt, without remorse and without the desperate feeling that we’re betraying our vows to stand by their side for better and worse, in sickness and health.

One of the core tenets of this teaching and understanding of love is that when we harm others, we harm ourselves far more. Violence, anger, spite, malice, denigration, exploitation - all of these blacken and shrivel the soul of the perpetrator in far greater measure than the physical damage done to the victim. In fact, many of the non-violent spiritual sects and religions take that stand precisely because of this, no amount of force or violence is ever safe to impose on others, no matter how right their intent or how good the sought-after outcome, lest they break their own hands on the rod they picked up to strike their brother with. Akido, a variation of the martial arts, takes this to it’s logical end by teaching only throws, holds and blocks, offering the student no skills that could be used to injure or attack, but only those needed to ward off attack until the aggressor is worn our or defeated by their own violence. This is one aspect of this approach to love that is rarely understood, yet is of singular importance - that by preventing our attacker from harming us, we are not only preventing harm to our own souls but are indeed safekeeping that of our attacker’s as well.

And so we come to the meat of the issue. By allowing someone to abuse us, for whatever reason, we are doing them harm by allowing them to harm themselves through violence to us. Removing ourselves from their influence is not a betrayal, nor is it an abandonment - it is an act of supreme love, the prevention of harm to one that we hold dear to our heart. Just as we would not let a child repeatedly injure itself on a hot stove or a sharp implement, we should not allow our weakness and our silence to continue to present to our abuser the opportunity to do more and more harm to their own soul.

If we love them, we owe it to the true “them,” the core spark of divine energy that is the soul, to remove ourselves until they have learned the self-restraint necessary to avoid harming us - and through us, themselves - just as we would protect any other loved one from self-injury and danger. By learning to love another so much that we are willing to walk into loss and loneliness to preserve their soul, we remove ourselves and them from the spiraling cycle of abuse that binds us both to our eventual, and mutual, destruction.

(c) Soni Pitts

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Soni Pitts is the Chief Visionary Butt-Kicker of SoniPitts.Com. She specializes in helping others reclaim “soul proprietorship” in their lives and to begin living the life their Creator always intended for them.

She is the author of the free e-book “50 Ways To Reach Your Goals” and over 100 self-help and inspirational articles, as well as other products and resources designed to facilitate this process of personal growth and spiritual development.
 

By Stephanie Marston 

Essential Ingredient#1:

Evaluate Your Priorities

The French philosopher Rene Descartes said, “I think therefore I am.” Our modern day version has become “I do therefore I am.” So many of us live by the mantra “I have to keep up,” “I am what I do,” “I have to push myself,” “I have to prove my worth,” “I have to keep going.” While many of you thought that you left peer pressure back in the halls of high school, it’s still very much in operation in our adult lives.

Many women have one clear priority–get through the day. Sure, no one will deny the importance of that, but it’s simply not enough. Many women go through life on autopilot. You rarely stop long enough to consider how you spend your time and energy. Yet, without determining whether your priorities match your reality and your values you will continually be out of synch with yourself.

Living a priority-centered life means balancing responsibilities to others with responsibility to oneself; obligations with enjoyment, work with play, activity with rest. It means finding a natural rhythm to one’s day-to-day life that will support an atmosphere of fulfillment. It means getting your priorities straight.

Think of a typical day and a typical week. Think about how you spend your time. Ask yourself, how much time do I devote to my family? What about health and fitness? Religion or spiritual practice? Work? Personal interests and hobbies? Social time? Finances? Friendships? The categories you choose may look somewhat different from these, so feel free to customize them to reflect your life. Make a list in order of what gets the most to the least amount of your time. How you spend your time will make known your priorities.

You may be surprised to discover that there’s a discrepancy between what you thought your priorities were and what they actually are. It’s time to be honest with yourself and see what your life is telling you. Is your life balanced? Are you overextended in one area? Is there an area that you’re neglecting? What percentage of your time is devoted to caring for others? What percentage is spent caring for yourself and doing things you love? Are you in synch with your core values? Are there any adjustments you need to make so that your life more closely reflects your values?

One of the greatest challenges women face is balancing the wishes and expectations of other people (especially your family) with your own needs and desires. You must hold your priorities sacred. You must invest your time and energy in what you value. You have to commit yourself to make time for what’s important every single day.

Ask yourself every day, is this what I want to be doing? If the answer is “no,” you can alter your course a little each day. Changing course is a process. It happens slowly, incrementally, but if you are persistent, you will end up where you want to be.

Food for Thought

If you had only a year to live, what would you do differently? It’s time to take action. Whatever you’ve been waiting to do–Just Do It!

Stephanie is an acclaimed speaker and author. She speaks from experience. Stephanie is the “go to” expert for those seeking to create quality driven lives. She is the author of Chicken Soup for the Soul’s Life Lessons for Women: 7 Essential Ingredients for a Balanced Life, If Not Now, When? For more information please visit her website: http://www.stephaniemarston.com
 

By Allie Ochs 

The American Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “What lies behind us and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Little did he know that his quote would sum up the past, present and future of women. He also didn’t know that women would emerge as powerful pillars of society. It wasn’t until the 20th century that American women were allowed to vote and it took even longer until they could say no to sex in their marriages. What lies behind us is the history of women, who paved the way to liberation.

What lies before us is the most meaningful time ever for women. What lies within us is the power to continue this feminine revolution. The once considered submissive female gender is rising to the top. Today women have assumed the roles of CEOs, litigation lawyers and senators. Women earn four out of every 10 law degrees and almost that many medical degrees. They have become activists against violence and proponents of human rights. Their worth has become defined by their accomplishments and ability to make a difference.

Today women seek validation as complete human beings. Along the way they have learned to master remote controls, change tires and file income tax returns. They know how to shop for bargains and still splurge on Godiva chocolates. They cry over romantic movies and get a thrill from the X-files. They are touched by the sight of babies and outraged at violence. When making love they like to be on the top, in charge of their own fulfillment.

Yet, taxis still stop for us, men still open the doors for us and firefighters will rescue us first. We don’t have to pay when we go on dates. We can go after what we want without being afraid to ask for help. We can say what we mean, without being mean when we say it. We can walk in the shoes of others, without losing direction. Best of all, we know how to solve our problems by simply eating chocolate.

There are more fashion stores for women than there are for men. Entire cosmetic departments, loaded with stuff to make us look and smell pretty, are created just for us. Our underwear, enriched with lace and rhinestones, is fortified with silicone inserts and airlifts. It doesn’t get any better than that. Our options and power are endless and here is some data to support that: · By 2010, women are expected to control $1 trillion, or 60 percent, of the country’s wealth - BusinessWeek and Gallup. · Women purchase or influence the purchase of 80 percent of all consumer goods. This is just the beginning! On a competence level we have what it takes to grab the world by the tail. Women are natural at multi-tasking. They talk on the phone, while cooking dinner, shave their legs while applying eye-makeup and run a corporation while managing a household. Women have compassion like no other species and never tire of listening to problems. They have the courage to find solutions when others give up. Equipped with great intuition they know right from wrong without consulting an expert.

Women are great communicators connecting easily with people. They are resilient in the face of adversity and are networking pros reaching out for support. Instead of hoarding information, women freely share with others. They are emotionally tuned-in and have the gift of expressing it.

Women have the courage to be honest and outspoken. When dealing with stress, women can have a pedicure or go shopping. Best of all, women don’t need to compete with men to be successful. They can stand on their own, or be united to reach goals. Femininity is personal power and at no other time in history has society been so touched by the power of women.

While many women may still be judged by the shape of their legs, corporations are zooming in on feminine traits. With a new female leadership style emerging, women are hired into positions of power because of their skills and femininity. Obviously, many companies believe that the best man for the job is still a woman. Society has finally concluded that the lack of female energy is the reason for most problems in our world.

Women have what it takes to create a more peaceful world of human equality. Our time has come to capitalize on our feminine traits and the warmth of our hearts to rock the world. No matter what background, religion or race we come from, we don’t need to look outside for validation. Our strength lies within. The world needs us. It needs our courage to forge ahead, our intuition to discern, our passion for humanity and our wisdom to see the big picture. Women must stand united in their feminine spirit to bring about global changes. There is nothing quite like women with a purpose, who rise to the occasion.

© 2004 Allie Ochs, Speaker, Coach and Author of: Are You Fit To Love? www.fit2love.com

Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website http://www.fit2love.com and take the Fit 2 Love test.