Self Empowered Woman

By Dianna Hobbs 

PHASE I: Acknowledge It
If you bury an issue without dealing with it, it will eventually resurrect itself in some form.

Hiding from the pain will never make it go away. Instead, it only prolongs the process of healing. If you have ever experienced significant loss, or even severe abuse in some form, then you know that there is an initial shock phase where the occurrence seems surreal. This is normal initially, but then there comes a time when you have to acknowledge what has occurred, before you can ever move toward the road to recovery. It seems easier to remain in denial, but in the long run, painful memories will resurface and demand to be dealt with. As difficult as it may be, acknowledge what has happened, as well as the pain that is attached to it.

PHASE II: Mourn It
When you allow yourself to grieve, then the pain will gradually leave.

After you acknowledge what has happened, you then move on to the grieving phase. I cannot stress enough the importance of allowing yourself time to grieve. It is a perfectly natural, healthy and essential process for physical, mental and spiritual healing. Many individuals do not like to talk or think about this, but mourning actually frees you. It helps you to lighten your emotional load, so that you can move on without all of the hidden barriers that subconsciously affect you. Mourning is a lot like a scab that covers a wound to aid the healing process. The scab, as unattractive as it is, literally nurtures you back to health if you don’t pick at it. Once it falls off, the pain that went along with the injury is no longer there. Let the grieving process do its work and one day, you will recount the past and how difficult it was at the time, but the pain won’t be there anymore.

PHASE III: Accept It
Though you cannot change what happened, you can choose how you respond to it.

This is the point where you realize that there is nothing you can do to change the past, but you can indeed change the future. Acceptance is powerful because it forces you to face your fears and yet move forward. You begin to ask “what are the next steps that I must take in dealing with this situation?” From the moment you ask this question, you automatically begin looking toward the future- the only thing you can control. You must become resolved to face and endure the journey ahead, however uncertain it may be. I know that you will not have all of the answers and I am not promising you that it will be easy. I am confident, however, that if you remain strong enough to put one foot in front of the other, you will discover endless possibilities you never knew existed.

PHASE IV: Reconstruct
Don’t just settle for survival. Recommit, refocus and reconstruct your vision for your life.

Once you begin discovering and exploring the limitless possibilities that life has to offer, you are empowered to change your life for the better. With every loss in my life, I realize that I have gained something valuable from each experience. Whether it be a new perspective, new relationships or new opportunities; my life has in some way improved as a result of these changes. Let me warn you though, the reconstruction phase has its moments of uncertainty and you will sometimes feel afraid to move forward. There will even be times when you will question whether or not you are doing the right thing. Push past your fear and keep moving! Rebuild your life on a foundation full of faith and optimism and be determined to pursue the dreams that have been lying dormant inside you. Here is some good news. Once you make it to the reconstruction phase, you have already survived the toughest part. Just know that during the other phases of the journey, you were building up more strength, tenacity and resilience than you ever thought possible!

Conclusion

None of us can accurately predict which way the winds of life will blow, but we can be equipped to come through the storm in tact. I know that life challenges all of us, but you know the old saying: “Whatever doesn’t kill you…” You guessed it, “it makes you stronger!” Here’s to stronger days ahead!

Dianna Hobbs is the President of Hobbs Ministries, a Christian copywriting and PR firm. She and the team of world class copywriters at Hobbs Ministries, help ministries get their marketing materials on the “write track” by leveraging the creative power of language. You can find out more about how you can take your ministry to whole new dimension by visiting http://www.hobbsministries.com
 

By Kirk Laman 

Our hearts can be disfigured. They can be troubled and tormented. Our hearts can be squeezed and distressed emotionally and psychologically to such a degree that finally they begin to whither under the strain. They crack or even break. The experience of having a “Broken Heart” is real.

Losing a loved one, struggling with job woes, or having our lives shattered with a horrible divorce are just some of the catalysts that can create severe trauma to our hearts.

The psychotherapist and author, Thomas Moore writes that “at one time or another, most people go through a period of sadness, trial, loss, frustration, or failure that is so disturbing and long-lasting that it can be called a dark night of the soul.”

Unfortunately, hearts living through darkness and turmoil, hearts that are “broken” don’t just suffer emotionally. Medical research has clearly shown that deep grief, sadness, and other painful experiences can cause actual heart disease.

In the 1970’s medical researchers from the Mayo Clinic discovered that what we think and feel has a direct bearing on having a healthy heart. In a research study of over 170 people they demonstrated that people suffering with severe grief or overwhelming anger can literally “drop dead” from something called Sudden Cardiac Death. You can indeed die from a “broken heart.”

Yet, just as emotional pain and trauma can wind us tighter and tighter and ultimately create heart disease- the troublesome cords that bind us can also be loosened. We can learn to unravel the emotional heartache that is creating illness. We can learn to heal our broken hearts.

One important first step for heart healing is to recognize that our “dark nights” of broken heartedness can be a path to deeper meaning, perhaps even spiritual awakening. If we tune into this idea that our misfortunes may in fact teach us something about ourselves, something vital to our overall growth as a human being, then some of the painful “sting” of our heart’s aching can be lifted.

Not long ago a patient of mine suffered a major heart attack. John worked at home as a computer programmer. He was loner, who hadn’t made the effort to establish a new relationship after a messy divorce. Suffering a heart attack was a wake up call. Facing death, he became acutely aware of the fragility of life.

Having a heart attack provided the motivation for him to begin dating again. Soon he was married and actually started a family.

Another key for healing one’s broken heart is to find a treatment that right for you. Support groups, meditation, psychotherapy, and many other modalities are available that can get you moving down the road towards heart healing. What’s vital is that you begin searching diligently for a method you feel comfortable with and then begin working on yourself.

Just as you can’t get into shape while sitting on a couch, you can’t release the pain and anguish of a broken heart by ignoring the problem. You’ll need to get busy doing the psychological work that it takes to become well.

Having a “broken heart” isn’t the end of the world. Rather we should consider it as a natural part of life. As long as we’re living, we’re going to rub up against people and situations that stretch and challenge us.

We just need to have hope. Your broken heart can be healed. You become well.

Kirk Laman, D.O.

Kirk Laman, D.O. is a cardiologist, author, and public speaker. His unique message, “How Heart Centered Living is the Key to Health and Well Being” captivates and motivates audiences to improve their lives. Dr. Kirk Laman is a board certified cardiologist with a special interest in preventative cardiology. Dr. Laman has written for the Detroit News, Medical Economics, as well as Lansing’s, Healthy and Fit magazine. He has been interviewed on ABC, NBC, and PBS television in Michigan. His book, How to Heal Your Broken Heart- A Cardiologist’s Secrets for Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Health: (www.drlaman.com/book.html) is published by Advantage Press. In the book Dr. Kirk Laman offers readers a simple and easy way to begin the process of healing the psychological and emotions issues that trouble their heartsDr. Laman is also an avid public speaker. He brings his twenty years of practical experience as a cardiologist and healer/pastor to the table as he offers useful lessons in heart felt living. For more information go to: www.drlaman.com
 

By Elaine Hamilton 

Since becoming a mother over 4 years ago, I have slowly gone from ‘Average Drama Queen whose World Revolves Around Her’ to ‘Raving Lunatic Mum Who Shouts Too Much and Hyperventilates’.

I can see that my previous life of highly strung self-absorption was not going to be the best precursor to ‘Earth Mother’ but neither was I prepared to enter into the concept that I might actually end up on one of those ‘Parenting Nightmare’ reality TV shows popping up all over the place. Yet here I am, writing about Anger Management, and speaking from painful (and as yet not fully resolved) experience.

So, here’s my take on Anger management and different ways of looking at the monster within….

1. Anger is just a symptom of a bigger problem, it is not the problem itself - and neither is the thing you’re getting upset about. So give yourself some slack and next time you blow your top try to step back and remember that there’s another issue going on under all this that is making you steam.

2. When you get angry its a sign that something is not right, either you feel taken advantage of, or you feel suppressed, or you feel out of control, or or or. But as a sign, this is a USEFUL thing, not something to shy away from. Its OK to acknowledge anger as a sign that something is up, you just don’t have to then go forwards with it and smash up the crockery.

3. Once you see anger as the sign or a symptom and not the enemy, then you can start digging for the real root cause. This has a lot of power. Instead of letting anger take you on its ride you can stop short and say ‘hey, I’m feeling angry, what’s up with that?’ I know, sounds lame - but it works!

Here’s a classic example, sleep depravation. My kids don’t sleep – in fact I can count the number of full night’s undisturbed sleep I have had in the past 4 years on one hand, I’m sure many of you can relate. When I have had a particularly bad run of sleep depravation I wake up grumpy and I just know my day is going to suck. And so it does.

Now, if I have my wits about me, I can alarm bell myself and think “Ah, you’re just crabby because you are overtired. It’s not your fault and it’s not your children’s fault, it just is. And it will be better tomorrow”. It’s amazing how well it works. YES I still get cranky and have a short fuse, but I actually tell my kids this (they are only 4 and 2 but they get it), I even go so far as to say “Sorry if I’m a bit cranky and snappy today, I’m just tired”. Now, I’m sure some expert or other will tell me I’m doing a terrible thing, but to me and my kids I am outlining the real root cause of my anger – sleep depravation – and keeping watch that I don’t damage my relationship with my kids by making it their fault.

Understanding that the feeling of anger is simply an alarm bell for something else has helped me enormously, and it also helps me to disperse it. Watch your children for great examples of this! Last week we were away for a family holiday with another family with kids – by day 3 all the kids were screaming and fighting and hitting, utter chaos! I separated my eldest and we went for quiet time, whilst colouring I asked her to explain to me more about her aggressive feelings and why they were coming up. She said simply “I’m getting too excited”, when I asked her what she needed me to do to help her to calm down, she said “I’d like you to play with me by myself” I understood her to mean she needed some quiet one on one attention, she needed for things to slow down, and she needed a quieter environment. When all her needs were met, she calmed right back down and the fighting stopped.

When is the last time you really looked at your own unmet needs? Whether it’s more sleep, more quiet time, slowing down, asking for help – your anger is a symptom that somewhere your needs are not being met. Instead of taking it out on the children, your spouse, the pillow, why not say ’thank you for the warning!’ and get your needs met instead!

Elaine Hamilton, Life Coach and Reiki Master Teacher, has been teaching and speaking internationally since 1995 helping thousands of people through her workshops and personal consultations.

Elaine is founder of http://www.Wahara.com, the first global community of specialist Coaches blogging and sharing their expertise online. Visit Wahara and download the incredible free etips ‘Key Success Factors – the top contributors to success’ including tips and secrets from our specialist Coaches. Find out what our expert Coaches tell their clients all in one great Esource! Or simply email wahara@aweber.com to be automatically enrolled. 

By Dr Brenda Shoshanna 

There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty and opens the way for your greatest good. It allows you to sleep well at night, wake up refreshed and filled with enthusiasm. Obstacles evaporate and wonderful possibilities appear. This medicine is abundantly available, has no side effects, can be taken in large or small doses regularly. You need no one to prescribe it and the more you take, the sweeter it is. The medicine is a good dose of gratitude, taken daily, at least three times a day.

For example, if you are having difficulty in your relationships, a strong dose of gratitude will help a lot. Depression and thankfulness cannot exist in the same mind at the same time. When you are continually aware of the good you are receiving, complaints, resentments and demands become a thing of the past.

Guests At A Banquet

Some would say that this world is like a banquet in which we are guests. However, instead of thoroughly enjoying the feast, we only focus upon what is wrong – we become upset that the meal will not last forever, criticize the cook, demand one dish and refuse all others, or enjoy only desert.

Many spend their time rejecting other guests, or pushing them around. Some refuse to eat the meal entirely and go to the corner to pout. Most have no idea who their host is, or why they’ve even been invited. They rarely think of offering thanks.

In order to live with joy and well-being, however, it is crucial to develop a grateful mind. Here are some simple steps to take. Each step is the best medicine.

Step 1: View Your Life As A Banquet – Enjoy The Feast

Realize that we have all been invited to this banquet to develop a grateful mind. We must learn to partake of all we are offered, discover why we’ve been invited, and most importantly, offer thanks.

Step 2: Realize Each Person At The Banquet Is Precious

Each person at this banquet is precious and has been invited for a reason. There is something unique that each guest has to bring, including you. Find out what it is. Enjoy each person fully.

If you do not know what to be grateful for, the question to ask is - what am I focusing on right now? Where is my attention? Are you focusing upon all the problems and complaints, or are you aware of the endless gifts you receive? By taking your attention off the negative aspects of the relationship, you take energy and power away from these complaints and become open to see the good that available. As you take charge of your focus you take charge of your life.

Step 3: Take Time To Notice And Appreciate What You Are Receiving

Take time to notice and fully appreciate what is before you. Stop taking life for granted. As we develop a mind that is aware of the gifts it is receiving, the ability to give back grows naturally.

Step 4: Direct Communication

So many relationships flounder due to the feeling that individuals are not getting what they want. In many cases their partners have no idea what this is, or how to make them happy.

A wonderful way to deal with this is to ask directly for what you want. Ask without criticism or a hidden demand. It is also crucial to be able to say no. Saying no is not rejection. At times, saying no to others, is a way of saying yes to yourself.

Step 5:

When you give to receive something in return, this is not true giving. Some give to hold onto others, or to feel good about themselves. True giving asks nothing in return. It gives openly, no strings attached.

True giving and receiving are one. When we give fully without wanting anything in return, we receive as much as we give. Burden, resentment and clinging falls away. There is no giver or receiver here, only an open heart.

In order to taste this kind of freedom, we need only let go of our demands, criticism and expectations, and simply become one with what is happening right now. Ultimately we will see that we must just open our hands if we want to be held. C/author/2005

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist, speaker and author is a long term Zen practitioner whose work integrates Zen and everyday life. The relationship expert on i.village.com, she is the author of Living By Zen (Timeless Truths for Everyday Life), http://www.livingbyzen.com She is also the author of Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Zen And The Art Of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster) and many other books. She can be contacted at topspeaker@yahoo.com