I hope you are well and feeling better today.

I can’t pretend to understand totally what you feel, I do not profess to be a therapist or professional advisor. But from one human being to another, I say this to you out of compassion. I appreciate that you wrote to me so that I can better understand the predicament of suicidal people - I did ask the question and I am enlightened, thank you.

It appears to me you have tried to rise above your problems again and again, and yet you continue to be abused one way or another. I am not sure what your problems are but this much I can tell about you that you have much to be grateful for and I want you to reflect upon it. Fact is :

* you have a superior mental capacity that is not affected by your disability
* you have a courageous heart despite your troubles
* your soul is not dysfunctional
* you own a pc that tells me you are not so at deep end

I am not suicidal but I could be if I allow it, and being suicidal has nothing to do with physical or financial circumstances. You said, there are those who can handle it and there are those who cannot.

Have you wondered how other people with similar circumstances handle it?

I know this much. NEVER allow your spirit to be crushed, no matter what. It is not about what people shouldnt do to you, its about what you should not allow yourself to be beaten.

I have found that joy is what you create for yourself. It is not dependent upon the kindness or love from other people. It is not our right to demand that of other people. We all have been hurt in our lives, you are not alone. For me I love myself enough to disregard what people feel about me. Because if I dwell too much on it, it will ruin my life and yet the others don’t even think about it. With all those negative thoughts that you have about those people, you are better off thinking of
ways to be happy.

You can try to be forgiving. In forgiving you are not doing anyone else a favour but yourself. It does wonders for the soul, it frees you from the angst that sit deeply within you. When you forgive, you begin a process of healing.

Try healing and meditation. I speak from experience when it felt the world was coming down on me, I seeked to be healed.

Find a reason to live. Do not dwell too much on the past, look to the future with plans. WRITE and make something of it. You live this world not for mere existence but to have a purpose. Do you know your purpose?

Could you not connect with like-minded people or circumstances and form a community of self-help. When you help others, you will not focus on your
own problems and you will learn there are others worst off than you.

BELIEVE THIS - when you give you shall receive. And I am not talking about being a doormat or allow people to take advantage of you.

The friends who have fallen out from your life, well , see that as a blessing in the knowledge that you are to move on with your life and find better ones. It is meant for you to progress.

REFLECT upon your life, and believe in the law of cause and effect. I did that for myself and learned what problems I had were my own doing. This means, what I thought about, I seem to attract those things.

Believe in the law of the universe , the law of attraction and manifestion. That what you think about regularly at the heart level, things will accordingly manifest. If you constantly think of being hurt, then you will continue to be hurt, if you think that no one loves you, then no one will love you. I am not providing a mere lip service. I have
experienced that the decision I took to change my life for the better, gave me peace, happiness and a sense of freedom over my own fate and destiny. When my mindset is changed, my entire actions change. I focus on the positives and attract the positives. Now I see it everyday, what I think about, it will be attracted!

Be grateful for what you have and not for what you have not. Oprah knows what she is talking about and I admire her. If you will allow yourself to be kind, you will receive kindness, in thoughts and in deeds.

Think of your strength and what you can do with it.

Find a purpose in this life. Once you decide that your life will be changed for the better, then it will.

I send my blessings to you, and may the healing energy gives you hope.

Take care now.

Nora

I will explain my own battles. Many of us are not loved as we NEED to be (not by boyfriends, husbands or whatever) however, there are those who can handle and accept that and there are others who are not able to.

I have found that when those of us have a concrete support group (relatives of any sort) that self-esteem is much easier to be had.

I am one of those people who does not have a concrete support system. I have my husband and I am grateful for him and without him I literally do not have a family.

My aunt is fair and once I placed her on a pedestal until today and I learned and have learned again that I cannot place ANYONE on any pedestal because it is an emotionally dangerous thing to do.

The reason that I have placed ANYONE in my past on a pedestal is that I am not where I want to be in life right now and when I see or listen to the creature comforts and the things that they have in their own lives I began to wish for those things or circumstances for myself. I do not want what they have necessarily, however, I admire that they have what they want.

I got married, which is what I have always wanted because I enjoy one on one companionship and that is literally it. I did not want to be married for reasons that I need a man to take care of me because during my suicidal intentions, I have found that I was able to take care of myself.

All of us need support and help; had I had such bsaic support, I KNOW that I would have progressed a great deal more than where I am professionally (I am disabled and physically limited and I have an entire hosts of disabilities).

Being disabled places me in an entirely different road altogether. I have lost many, many friends (who I was convinced that they were my friends. I was not delusional because they called me and I called them where ever I lived and no matter how great or how dismal my life at the time was heading. These people professed their love for me as did I for them and I was always there for them even when I was not doing very well myself because I wanted to be there and they were there for me when I needed them.

I had no idea that these same friends and family members were prejudiced towards disability and they never in the slightest had hinted that they were. I came into a second disability and was later and as time progressed , they literally could not stand me. I never asked them for help except to love me as they supposedly had. But they could not do it, One friend came back and that was because he became as sick as I became.

And then he began to understand what I felt and the same rejection that he poured upon us was equally portioned upon him. And THAT friend changed. However it will NEVER be the same again ; but I will remain his friend and I will be there , just not in the former capacity.

I have always felt suicidal and attempted it by cutting and hoping to go a little deeper the next time and hoping to have complete courage to end my life. I am not asking what I should do about this because I am seeking help for this and sometimes that does not help.

Due to my second disability, I found that the physicians became hostile because of the kind of care that I needed. And it was not only one; it was an overwhelming TWELVE and they were hateful and there were witnesses to their behavior and so that rules out that this was not “my perception” OR “in my imagination” or the famous and sickingly over used and manipulative one: “over-sensitive”.

I have chronic pain and I have been treated very badly until recently and now I am and will get the help that I need. It was like a rebirth because some one listened and provided the tests that I needed and they finally witnessed for themselves just how much pain I am suffering. Before, everyone believed that I was “over-reacting” and AS usual, they were wrong.

There is something to believing in yourself and not others EVEN when there are SO many others against you. I have learned again that I am my own best friend because no one knows me better than me.

On that note, today, I feel very heavy with anger and sadness. My Aunt was highly obnoxious and insensitive and the help that I sought on a different matter was met with mean-spiritness in the way that was not justified in the least.

Some of us become suicidal because we are treated in that way EVERYday. Literally, in one way or another. Before long, the spirit collaspes and the weight is unimaginable.

I disagree with the statement above in that there are a wider variety of help to be sought here. That isn’t true at all. Whenever I sought help, I was turned away and the help that was advertised as being an “excellent resource for care” turned out to be a bunch of uneducated, disgruntled receptionists who had NO CLUE of why they were even there working in that organizations.

I have found that many organizations ate more tax-shelters than there are into helping others. I literally sought an organziation who claimed to help those who self-multilated. An answering machine was the voice of this organization each time I called. Additionally, when I actually spoke to a human being, their behavior was so disheartening and so unhelpful that I wanted to cut myself AGAIN. Many of these organizations refer to one place to another until after you have been worn out on the telephone seeking the help through these so-called resources, I found that I have wasted an entire day because NO ONE knew where to refer me to even after I had clearly stated what I need.

Another reason that such a spike and frequency in suicidality is that NO ONE LISTENS. NO one has learned a damned thing about pain and grief and we are suppose to be the top of the bunch and the creme of the crop in understanding one another’s pain. But there is no such thing. We cannot do everything alone but we are told that it takes a village, only to find that the villages have burned down or that everything comes with a soul contract sign off of your entire life.

There are no more villages; only the appearances of them. They were once there a very long time ago. But things have changed DRASTICALLY and no one cares. VERY few and that very few barely are able to hang on themselves.

When there is no TRUE help and support as there claims to be; suicidality begins to be the better answer for some of us. It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with weakness in my case. It has to do with EXHAUSTION and the ridiculousness of what is offered out there. It has to do with the growing insensitivity (the Oprah and Dr. Phil System) for help.

Our communities blame many of us for not seeking the help, but most of these nay sayers are so wrong and have never been so wrong. The help is scarce and it is barely there because it is so much about it being ” YOUR PROBLEM”. People in general (health care pratitioners, “friends”, those “feel good positive folks who have not a lick of a grasp on what the hell a person with suicidality is or how dark the way has become has evolved, are increasingly MORE ignorant than they have ever been.

I do not expect everyone to agree or disagree. There may be some on this board who know PRECISELY what I am talking about. The help that is claimed to be out there (and please do not compare countries or advantages) ARE NOT THERE. I have always been a woman of persistance and wits about myself and pretty soon, some of you will eventually see this for yourselves.

Personally, I do not want to live to be any older than 58. I am 38 and the help out there is an atrocious mockery of support. You have no idea what people like me feel every day because the resources are nil and all that is out there is hostility and anger which spreads faster than Ebola or any other disease any where.

Bullying is fashionable and those in power are in rare glee in using it against those who need the help to reach a minute (at best) centering. Shallowness is the biggest fad in our history to date.

Love is beyond a four letter word; love is as love does and love is not what it use to be (even in families)

I have found that my own immediate family has declared themselves as an enemy against me. Again, I am told that this is a percieved illusion (however) again for the first time in my life, SOMEONE else has witnessed what I mean and what I have suffered for more than half of my exsistance.

Finally, some one subjective finally witnessed the vocality of abusivenes, of theats, of hatred in a fashion unexplainable and this subjective witness could not fanthom the intense cruelty that I have endured and so I am victimized once again because my face does not lie and there are emotional predators who dive down as the vultures upon an already devoured carcass. As intense as this may sound to the normal folks (only those who are suicidal will know my language.

These are not whining, snivaling woe as me complaints. This is my life and those who know what I mean will understand that. I have never purposely or have even inadvertantly given any one permission to devour me because I appear vulnerable. I appear vulnerable because that is the way so many people want us to be. And when we draw our boundaries and stand up for ourselves as I have always often have; I am stoned and delivered into a hellacious affair of a new breed of hatred.

Some of us want out because it is hard to find the goodness in a world who honors disrespectful abuse on ALL levels (not only being physical). There are actual predators of wounded souls who seek out to hurt others because they can. There are many people who enjoying stealling or trying to steal whatever small pleasure that we have secured as tightly as we can possibly are able who will (because of their own insecurity and self-hatred) seek to completely destroy another and not care of the consequences of how they have destroyed that person.

Remember, not all of us are out here ‘Asking for it” or subconsciously “seeking to be abused out of familiarity”. This is all junk psycho-science manipulations.

I am one of those, who wishes to be left to my own quiet existance and there are those who despise people like me and will seek ot go out of their way to finish me off as if I have not been finished off long ago already.

I do not advocate suicide, I am merely explaining the reasons why we are left with fewer resources and I have not even scratched or dented the surface regarding this.

Life for those who are suicidal has taken its toll and there is no more blood left to give nor muscle left to fight against the tunnel of appearances in which we call life.

Things can get worse for people like us because we become lost and are drowning and no one is listening no matter how loud we have screamed for the help that we need. We have plead and begged and we are discarded as a burden or bother. Many times it is not about cowarding out (and this is to those who feel that they have all they answers regarding the “weakness” of those who are suicidal or are successful in getting the hell out of here. We are TIRED of this garbage.

IT has to do with extreme burn-out to likes that the healthy in soul and protected in supportive families and insulated will EVER, NEVER know).

I hope that those of you who are healthy and supported will never feel the utter nothingness that many of us feel. You will never know what this feels like. NEVER and that is why suicidality is alive (no pun intended)and rising in numbers more than ever.

We want a peaceful way out, but we (those of us who have attempted sucide and the ones we have lost to suicide) cannot see any other way and ALWAYS remember, many of us have tried as many ways as there are possible.

We were the ones who never gave up at one time and we pressed on despite the circumstances and the pain WILL NOT STOP. We are not up to the cycles of life, the ups and downs because we know that there are many others who have chances worth fighting for.

I KNOW that I have tried EVERYTHING possible to see the potential of the future, But I am 38 and I canot grasp the very thing that I need and want which is the very thing so important to the facet of me which is dying. I am already dying inside.

The vindications are small and few and in comparison, against those small victories come the massive attacks of external pain. the kind of pain triggered by the cruelty of others on a REGULAR basis. This is what I do not want to live for. I do not want to be at the mercy of greater abuses. I do not want to be a punching bag for those who cause deliberate harm “because they can” or because, they are so orgasmic to tear me down and that is what has happened to me for over twenty years.

Yes, I play a part in this, and the idiot part that I play is to please others to get them to like me and respect me and that is the idiot role that seems to male of the core of my person and I do not want to live like this. Not because it is hard work. The hard work, I can endure for a time, but now I am physically damaged all because a bunch of jerks felt more powerful over my life than me.

It has nothing to do with self-hatred; the odd thing is that I like myself because I have tried so hard to be worth while to me, yet another land slide derails me after all the work has been devoted and committed and what happens is that some person of power (which are WAY too many) simply summarize my life as worthless, therefore, this entitles them to victimize me. “Because they can”.

I did not give these hideous people the allowance to authority to harm me. I have never given permission to be mistreated, but the stand against the evils of others has taken its toll and if in this future, the very simple thing that I need does not come to pass, I may succeed this time. Who knows.

I cannot take the abuse of society and their evil insensitivity because I am literally tapped out of the fight.

If this did not answer your question as to the why, you may never come ever closer to knowing. Only me and those who have succeeded will only understand this. It is not a club, clique, or group. This message is for those who KNOW what I am trying to say with out going on any longer than I have.

Life is beyond the typical laborious state (not because of the challenges which supposedly make us better, but because of those who enjoy the suffering of others and this is what surrounds me. I would rather take my own life than to line up for the slaughter of those who “can” destroy us.

I am beyond the point of those so sick and running loose in our society to torture those who have tried and tried so hard to overcome the odds and there are many who have. But I am growing older and now, I am a disabled person and yes many other disabled others have made it,but not this one. Not me. I have the evidence of EFFORT and I KNOW that I TRIED my damndest. I know that I have.

And it does become a medical problem. Suicidality and the stress depletes serotins and endorphins that are designed to allow us to survive the onslaught of daily abuse.

Many of us are psychologically, phsyically, and spiritually devoid (because this has been stolen TOO many times or otherwise) to continue on in the madness of this existance.

The collective societal cruelty and celebrated abuse is what drives us home and drives us (except those who have a different reason) home and out of this place forever.

Has some of what I have explained answered your question on the point of view of the suicidality in others and in myself and its growth on so many of us world wide?

Perhaps ONLY YOU have OR KNOW that way out. Show me the way and I will not imagine the desire towards an never-ending eternal rest so early on. I think of ending this loathing existance every single day. I think about the best way to go in peace with out whatever….

Thank you

I can imagine what you must have gone through. You are one strong lady.

All the best.

skr

Yet another good article. The problem why people take their own lives is so deep-rooted that most of us cannot fathom the gravity of the situation. This is not the U.S. where there is easy access to therapists. Yes, it can be costly but the insurance covers all if not most of it.

Seeking help from a therapist in this country could be quite a precarious journey. People will only look at you with suspicion and perhaps innocuously or ignorantly arrive at a conclusion that you are not normal.

What is normal is another topic altogether. That I believe is the mindset of most Malaysians. I mean, come on, everyone in the U.S sees a therapist. People there share notes, i.e. what their therapists advised them to do and even talk freely about the medications they take.

Yes, you google and you have your answers, or do you? But Nora, drugs like sleeping pills and valium are prescribed drugs, administered after a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist evaluates your problem. You can’t buy them across the shelf.

Sure there are other dangerous methods ( as you mentioned ) that are available for one to take his own life. But these people need professional help. Once professional help is easily accessible and affordable then I believe suicide rates will be minimized.

The content of my message is based mostly on discussions with the Brits and the Americans.

I am no therapist but I think it is extremely difficult to persuade a person to remain calm. Heck, it’s tough enough trying to coax a crowd to be calm when there’s a spark in their office.

Unfortunately, we live in a pathetic environment surrounded with neglect, negation and negativity. Narrow minded people living in narrow minded streets. No, I am not a pessimist. These are facts we cannot dismiss. A lot of people are wandering around aimlessly with no direction and more important, with no guide. Like an orchestra without a conductor.

Too many times have I seen, with a pang, people who are in the streets, old and derelict, probably abandoned by their family members ( the same people they looked after neglecting their own health ). I do my part and I feel good about it.

Being alone is one thing and being lonely is another.

If I have digressed, you have my apology.

Your second last paragraph explains a lot. Yes I too agree that they have missed something important in life.

LOVE THYSELF is one excellent phrase. Not easy but after a while of instilling it in your mind you tend to believe in it and begin to smile.

HAPPINESS is another powerful tool to combat suicide. But to bring about happiness one has to know and feel LOVE. Love comes in various ways. To love and to be loved …. now that is what people should be equipped with. You shine and look radiant and this can be positively contagious.

Smile and the whole world smiles with you. It really doesn’t take a lot of effort on anyone’s part to smile at one another. A little nod with a smile goes a long way.

No matter what people say, my stay in England, France and the U.S was made even more pleasant with friendly smiles and a simple “hi”.

I could go on and on but I believe your article has sent a definitive message and has reassured them positively. Easy to say but the depressed lonely people please do not despair; there is HOPE in people like Nora and her articles.

It’s a long and winding road Nora. I applaud your arduous task at trying to educate a lot of people about a lot of things.

Believe me, you are getting through to all those who read your articles.